To Greta Grunge and her tongue poking friends, she announced that there was to be no pulling faces at car drivers following the coach as it could lead to an accident. She said the word ‘boys’ very slowly and narrowed her eyes while doing so.

Then, switching her gaze to Lily Lasagne, she said that we were not to mix with girls or boys from other schools that might be visiting the zoo. While saying this, she stared at the rather large ﬁgure of Basil Burlap. There was to be no eating or drinking on the coach. As we waited to board the coach, Miss Battleaxe took us all aside while she explained what she called her ‘ground rules’ for the visit. When she was angry, she had a cold stare that could stun a wasp, and she always carried a metal ruler to rap our knuckles if we ‘stepped out of line’. Miss Battleaxe was strict and had a voice as loud as a foghorn. Two teachers were to go with us: Miss Lovelace, who was very friendly and pretty, and Miss Battleaxe, who was not. This year, it was our turn and we were very excited.

Every year, the top juniors at the Martin Bormann Academy went by coach to the local zoo.

Download a trip to the zoo